Open up

It’s coming upon the anniversary of the first date I had with Mr. Geek. It seems interesting that within the past month, we’ve had a few discussions about opening our relationship. I’ve never been completely monogamous, but for one reason or another, my past few relationships have ended up that way. I’d thought Mr. Geek was purely monogamous, and I’d been debating myself whether this relationship could last, for that reason alone. So of course it thoroughly surprised me when he came at me with this idea.

We were casually chatting about things, when I told him that a couple friends of mine had recently run into an ex-lover of mine… and his wife. I didn’t know the deal with the wife, at the time, so once she’d found out about me, threats were made. (By that time, I’d already stopped seeing the guy, for other reasons, but she needed someone to hate.) Luckily, when my friends were noticed, the couple made sure to steer clear for the rest of the night.

“You know what your problem is?” Mr. Geek asked. “Yeah, that I shouldn’t have sex with married men when their wives don’t know,” I quipped back. “That’s right,” Mr. Geek replied. We laughed.

“So single men are game, right?” I wondered. Mr. Geek looked thoughtful. “Sure, why not?” he answered.

And so began our discussion.

Regardless of the outcome, this talk made me fall incredibly in love with Mr. Geek… like I wasn’t already. I’d loved that man since we started dating, but sometimes one thing will happen, and that’s all that was ever needed. It wasn’t the fact that Mr. Geek wanted to open our relationship, but that he wanted to talk about opening our relationship.

After several failed relationships, and one marriage that ended in divorce, I did some soul-searching (and some therapy) and realized that I need good communication in order to be happy with someone, whether that person is a family member, friend, or lover. When my last partner and I broke up, it took me at least a month to figure it out, because he’d just stopped talking to me. I never want to have that happen again. It’s torture for the person on the receiving end.

No matter what type of relationship you have (monogamous, poly, open, or casual), communication is one of the biggest keys. A lot of the other pieces fit better when partners have great ways of expressing themselves.

Twhack!

I am a fan of spanking. Most people who know me—even friends of the non-sexual variety—learn this fact about me early on. Interestingly, as much as I love being spanked, I’ve only ever been spanked by hand. Not that I am against it; oh no, not at all. It’s just that it’s never come up before. My ex-boyfriend was amazingly agile with his hands, and it never occurred to me to try anything else.

Now, Mr. Geek and I are in a fairly new relationship. He’s obviously aware of my fondness for a good swift smack across the ass (or thighs or back or breasts…) but so far his hand seems to tire well before my backside, which leads me to doing some research on instruments used for spanking.

What I’m looking for would be simple (Mr. Geek doesn’t want anything too elaborate) and inexpensive (I’d hate to spend too much on something I may not like). I’d really love something flexible and slightly soft, but still firm enough to have a good sting.

These Impressions Slappers are wonderfully adorable and almost perfect—if only they weren’t leather! Instead, I think I may order The Slapper from Vegan Erotica. It’s not as wide as I was thinking, but for $17, how can I resist?

A review will come after this has been thoroughly and exhaustingly tested by me and Mr. Geek. I wonder if I can get him to order it as an early Christmas gift?

Better me than the fat man

This past Saturday night, Mr. Geek and I were celebrating my birthday with many friends at the bar; afterwards we found ourselves the only two of the party heading to a local strip club. This particular club is of the “bikini bar” variety, meaning that while on the stage or on the floor, the ladies show no nudity. (Back where I got my lap dance, however, is another story for another time.)

Near the end of the night, while we were seated with drinks at the main dance area, one of the ladies came over to chat us up. Even though I’d already had two lap dances that night, and was running near the end of my cash, I thought about how much I would be willing to hand over my last $20. Then she said something that completely turned me off:

“I’d rather be on you than on the fat man.”

I was shocked for a moment, and could barely speak. I composed myself and told her I was done with dances for the night, because I wasn’t about to get into a fat/size acceptance argument with a dancer in the strip club.

See, I haven’t mentioned it on the blog before (and honestly, I’ve had so much going on this summer that I’ve barely blogged at all) but I myself am a fat girl. (I call myself fat rather than overweight, because I feel that overweight implies that there is a perfect weight that I should be but I am over it.) Since learning more about size acceptance (which I will cover in another post), I’ve become increasingly aware of the subtle—and not so subtle—fat-shaming behavior of many people.

Did she think she was complementing me, by pointing out that she would rather perform a lap dance for me, because the fat man was so much larger, and, presumably by her tone, more digusting than I?

I’m sure if I’d called out this dancer, she would have been mortified, insisting “Oh, I didn’t mean you!” as her face turned red. She honestly probably didn’t mean me at all, but talking shit on the fat man at the other end of the bar hurts everyone, because it still feeds into the fat-shaming behavior and confirms that stereotype that there are good fat people (myself and Mr. Geek) and bad fat people (the man down the bar).

If I weren’t in a crowded loud environment, I may have said something in response to her comment. But alas, I did not, and all I can do now is post about the incident on my blog in the hopes that someone will read it and possibly change her thoughts and feelings on body image and self-esteem.

The Wet Afternoon

Here is an original story I wrote a few years ago on a rainy afternoon. It’s been published at the Nifty archives, and I also posted it to my LiveJournal account; now I’m re-posting it here for comment and critique.

Disclaimer: the people represented as having sex in this story are over the age of 18. Please do not read this piece if you are offended by explicit descriptions of sexual activity, or if you are under the legal age for your area.

Sex toy home parties

For a while I’ve thought about becoming a sales representative or consultant for one of the sex toy home party businesses, like Pure Romance or Passion Parties. I would love to have a traveling trunk of sex toys and products to lug around and take to people’s homes, show them what’s new in the world of toys and educate them on good sexual health and practices. However, I’m not really sure how I feel about these companies. No, that sounds wrong… I mean, I don’t know enough about either business to properly form a good opinion.

While both companies I mentioned above seem really great about educating women about their bodies and sex lives, their parties are strictly women-only—does this rule allow trans-women and other female-identified people? I’m also not sure what their policies are on other things that are important to me, like non-monogamy, queer relationships, and vegan and animal-cruelty-free products.

If you are a consultant for either of these companies, or any other home-party based business like this, please comment! I would love to hear your thoughts.

Rock Show

Here is an original story I wrote for a friend about two years ago, imagining a very sexy scenario at a rock show. After presenting it to him, I posted it to my LiveJournal account, but now I’m re-posting it here for comment and critique.

Disclaimer: the people represented as having sex in this story are over the age of 18. Please do not read this piece if you are offended by explicit descriptions of sexual activity, or if you are under the legal age for your area.

Laid up in bed

I spent much of the past few weeks on my back… and not in a fun and sexy way! After a minor surgery, I had some time off work and most of that time I laid in bed, reading. What got me through it? Erotica! Most nights I didn’t have the energy to do anything about it, but reading some pretty hot smut was sexy and amazing.

I’d bought Women’s Best Erotica 2008 with a gift card from my birthday, and finally got around to finishing off every story in the collection. “You Can Do Mine” was one of my favorites, a delightful little story about a woman whose male partner answers in the affirmative to the interesting question of “you can do mine, if I can do yours”. Mind-blowing, panty-wetting anal sex quickly followed. I was also equally amused with “Blowjob”, in which a woman straps on, heads to a local club, and meets a young lady willing and eager to go down on her. Hot!

(Hmm. I seem to have a soft spot for the stories with girls wearing strap-ons. What does that say about me, I wonder?)

Top of my list of online erotica resources include LitErotica and Nifty Archives. I’m also a huge fan of Harry Potter slash fic, and post-Hogwarts Harry/Ron is my sexiest pairing.

What are your favorite things to read while laid up in bed? Do you have a go-to book or website that cheers you up the most?

Big damn lube

Is it so terribly geeky of me that I want to buy Firefly organic lubricants mostly because I am a Browncoat?

Sadly, the lube was named after the insect. I like my idea better.

Vegan Condoms

While roaming on the internet, I came across a link to Glyde Health and discovered… vegan condoms!

According to the Glyde Health website, their Ultra Condoms are “manufactured from the highest quality natural latex to the most exacting standards [and are] strong without increasing the thickness”. They contain no animal ingredients so they are totally suitable for vegans!

I consider myself a vegetarian with vegan leanings, and I do like to be aware of ingredients in products (especially when it comes to partners who may be sensitive to animal ingredients showing up in stuff used during sex) but I’ve never seen condoms specifically marked “vegan” before. The issues come up with condoms that are manufactured with casein and even if the condoms themselves aren’t tested on animals, the lube may have been!

If you are concerned about animal products or testing, it’s always good to do some fact checking. A quick call to the company may also solve your problem, or just get the Glyde condoms, which have been certified by the Vegan Society. You may also want to check out Vegan Condoms and The Sensual Vegan.

For a good night…

While I was out on Sunday, I decided to stop into Rite Aid to replenish my condom stash. I’m always interested in seeing which items the big box drugstores are carrying in their “family planning” aisles, because I love seeing sex-positivity in regular stores.

In addition to a 12-pack of Durex Extra Sensitive (my prefered choice), I also picked up a new lube, one I’ve never seen before: Durex Play Quiver. These are mini packs of lube that you put in the freezer at least two hours before you’d like to use them, and when you are ready, just pop them out of their little trays. The inserts claims they won’t stick or burn like regular ice cubes. Genius!

As I was paying for my purchases, the cashier automatically told me to “have a good night” as she gave me my receipt, then, realizing what I just bought, started giggling a bit.

Now, I understand that so many people are embarrassed to walk into the drugstore and purchase condoms, but I have never been one of those people. I’m sure the cashiers see so many items every day, that one box of condoms among all the milk and asprin and pencils and butt cream and cigarettes is nothing.

However, my purchases only included the condoms and the lube, so I probably stood out in the cashier’s mind. How many ladies run into Rite Aid for just condoms and lube? (If you do meet them, give me their emails, please.)